


I Lied, Get Over It

by RestlessCancer



Series: Karkat: Engage in Matespritships [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mild Smut, loads of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-05
Packaged: 2017-12-13 15:42:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 10,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RestlessCancer/pseuds/RestlessCancer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humanstuck. Karkat tries to move on from a break up with Dave. Halloween is not Karkat's holiday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Is Halloween Everybody Make A Scene!

**Author's Note:**

> The chapter's title is a quote from The Nightmare Before Christmas's intro song.  
> This may or may not appeal to people I hope it does well. Author Ollies Out~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat "hates" trick or treaters and John puts too much time into his costume.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stick around until Chapter 5! That's when the real shit happens. Emotional confrontations anyone?

You are now Karkat Vantas. 

You are 28 years old; you live in a small shitty town called Grinnell which is essentially in the middle of a fucking corn maze that no one gives a damn about. You moved to said town to escape the big city you had lived in with Dave fucking Strider. You would have been running into him every day if you had stayed in Miami. 

It was not a coincidence that John was living here when you moved. You stayed in a satanically possessed apartment complex while you got through your first year at Grinnell College. Here’s where you flipped your shit: this shitty ass farming town is supposedly a college town. 

Nope. No fucking way. Just. Stop.

So living in this supposed college town, you ended up meeting up with John. You two hit off after you got over his bull shit enthusiasm for every gog damn thing on the face of the entire soul sucking brain fucking eye sore of a planet. You ended up uniting through a love of Rom-Coms, which gave you some embarrassment initially because you only found out when you ran into him at the showing for The Proposal at the lame ass amped up movie-theater down town. 

Down town is a joke to you. Shitty little consignment shops, low class barber shop, seedy bars, a drug store and some restaurants and bakeries that make you sick just looking at them. And not just because you have anemia and have tried to neglect the doses of iron pills. 

You moved in with John in the beginning of your third year in this fucked up town, if you could even call it that. It’s more like a fucking ant hill, no body leaves anybody alone and they’re always doing something. Always. Currently, it’s almost Halloween. John has convinced you that you have to dress up for the party that’s held after the trick-or-treaters go by. What a prick. He has also managed to convince you to help pass out candy to the little shits. 

“Dammit Egbert!” You yell as the doorbell rings during your favorite part in Miss Congeniality when Sandra Bullock finally beats the shit out of her partner as her talent of teaching self defense.

“Sorry! I’d answer it myself, but I’m still working on make up!” John shouts from the bathroom, which happens to be at the other end of the house making you closer to the door.

You haul yourself out of the living and fake being a nice person as you grab the candy bowl and answer the door.

“Trick or Treat!” A ghost, a princess, and Batman say in unison.

“Just take a treat. I’m not chasing you if you trick me.” You respond, holding out the candle bowl with a smirk.

The princess, who looks to be about five years old, turns to you before running with her siblings back to their parents and, with a little courtesy, says, “thank yew siw!”

You can’t help it. You smile and, with a slight half-assed bow, say, “No problem, Princess.”

She giggles as she runs off and you quickly close the door. Stupid little suck ups. They just play you every year. Their little costumes and manners; it’s not fucking cute. Not one bit. You sigh and go back to watch the rest of Miss Congeniality.

“Karkitty! Come get your make up on! It’s going to take a lot longer than we anticipated.” John calls as the door bell rings.

“I can’t fuckass because you stuck me with being a pedophile for the night!” You shout at him as you pause the movie again and head for the door.

You open the door to find a couple familiar faces that you hadn’t expected to see.


	2. Embarassment Is Not A Two Way Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News Flash: John shouldn't be allowed to pick out couple's costumes. Karkat gets caught up with some old friends.

“Can you say trick-or-treat, Lily, Danny?” Kanaya looks to her little ones, Danny clinging to her and Lily clutching to Rose. Niether of the kids answer, instead they just shyly hide, cuddled up to their parents.

“Kanaya? Rose?”

“Hi Karkat!” Kanaya greets you, she’s dressed as Jasmine, a Disney princess doppelganger for her, that is if you ignore the fact that Kanaya wears her hair in some sort of bob.

“Hey! I didn’t know you guys were in town.” You reply as the two of you embrace. “Come in.”

They enter and you shut the porch light off. There are only five minutes left anyway before people are supposed to shut their lights off and encourage the parents to take their kids home. Rose is dressed as Snow White, Lily is dressed as Aurora, and Danny is dressed as Aladdin. You know these costumes were a result of asking Lily to pick out costumes. Lily is 5 years old and Danny is 2. Rose and Kanaya had been talking about having kids for a long time before they finally told everyone they were going to start their family.

“Lily, do you remember Uncle Karkat?” Kanaya asks her, stroking her long blonde hair.

“Yeah!” She says and turns shyly to you, “Can I have hugs, Uncle Kat?”

“Alright, come here.” You half-smile and squat down to give her a hug.

“Where’s John?” Rose inquires, peering into the living room.

“He’s putting on his costume and make up.” You respond, sending Lily to play in the living room.

“What are you two coming as?” Kanaya asks, shifting Danny, who’s clinging to her and burying his face in her shoulder.

“Two animated cats.” You groan, face-palming.

“There are lots of animated cats, Karkat. You’ll have to be more specific. Siamese from Lady and the Tramp? Aristocats? What?” Rose asks.

“He insisted that we go as Artemis and Luna. From some stupid anime. He found pictures while he was derping around on the internet and decided that he couldn’t pass it up.” You roll your eyes as you cross your arms over your chest.

“Who’s who?” Kanaya asks.

Then, as if he heard the question, John walks out to find out why you’re taking so long. “Kat, we need to get your make up on! This stuff takes forever!”

He pauses in the doorway as he realizes that you have company.


	3. Karkat Warned John and Kanaya Reads Karkat Like An Open Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John never learned to stop trying to be cute and Kanaya is Karkat's mind-reading therapist.   
> Karkat may or may not have a soft spot for the little shits...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to the fun part! I'm considering posting a sketch I made of Karkat and John in their Luna and Artemis costumes.... Let me know if you wanna see these cuties in costume.   
> Author Out~

“Kanaya, Rose! We weren’t expecting to see you before the party!” John hugs both of them.

“Oh my god, John! I thought we agreed to only do the stupid little crescents!” You exclaim as you look him over.

He’s covered in white face paint in every area that isn’t covered by white fabric. In a white long sleeve tee, white skinny jeans, a pair of white cat ears, a white cat tail, and a gold crescent moon, he looks like the biggest fucking dumb ass this planet has ever seen. He took dressing up to a cosplay level. The fucker even colored his hair white!

“Karkat, I told you I want to do it right!” He laughs as you turn around and stand with your face in a corner.

“I take it John’s Artemis then.” Rose laughs. “So you’re Luna, eh? You do seem to be able to channel your inner woman and you’re certainly as much of a wet blanket as she is.”

“Come on, Let’s get you dressed up so they can see you before we go!” 

John drags you off as the girls head into the living room.

After countless layers of make-up and a few minutes of getting your black skinnies, tee, ears, and tail on, you groan.

“John, I am sincerely going to fucking kill you. What kind of shit are you forcing me into?” You demand, turning to watch as the tail swishes and staring at the gold crescent showing through your bangs. “What the fuuuuuuuuuuck!”

“Hey now, there’s tinies in the house right now!” John teasingly scolds you as he nuzzles like a cat.

“Stop. I’m going to punch you.” You threaten him.

“Come on, Luna! Let’s go see the girls!” He gushes as he drags you out to the living room.

“Wow! You two look adorable!” Kanaya praises as John nuzzles you like a cat with his arms around your waist.

You elbow him in the stomach and he pulls back.

“What was that for, Luna?” He asks, rubbing his midsection.

“I warned you.” You glare at him.

“Karkat, what’s the matter?” Kanaya takes you to the side while John goes to play with the kids in the living room.

“Huuuh, this is not my holiday. I hate dressing up and leaving the costumes to John was an even bigger mistake.” You sigh, trying not to touch your face while the sealant is still drying as you look at your ‘paws’. “You know me, Kanaya, I prefer to stay at home and…” 

“Cuddle. I know, Kitten, but it’ll be fun and it’ll help you take your mind off of Dave.” She rubs your arms comfortingly as she says this.

“Wait! What?” You question, a look of shock and confusion on your face as you look up at her. “It’ been like three years years! Why would you-”

“I can tell it still bothers you and I understand why. You loved Dave and John is so different from him.” Kanaya cuts you off with a finger to your lips, which John also painted black.

“Alright, I get it. Let’s go to the party. Who’s watching over the kids?” You change the subject.

“Maria and Adam are coming over in about five minutes and then we can take off. We should get to Jade’s by 9 if we take off quickly.” She replies, stepping down so that she doesn’t cross the line with your relationship status, which happens to be ‘It’s Complicated.’

The doorbell rings and Rose and John come out of the living room with Danny toddling over to you. He grabs a hold of your leg and clings to it. 

“Kitty!” He says, pulling on your hand.

No. This is not cute. He is just an annoying little shit. There is no way your bending to this thing’s will.


	4. Karkat: Indulge in child's desire to be held; Rose: Make shit awkward.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes Karkat is good to and with kids. Rose doesn't understand boundaries nor how to shut her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter because we are getting close to when shit gets really awkward.

Fuck. Who are you kidding?

You pick him and he wraps his arms around your neck. John answers the door and greets Maria and Adam. Lily runs right up to them and starts to give them hugs. They laugh and greet her.

“Nice to see you again, Karkat!” Maria greets you.

You can’t help but think “screw you” to the girl’s parents in your head as you realize how stereotypical that name is considering she actually is Hispanic.

“Same, I haven’t seen you two in a long time.” You reply half-heartedly.

“Well, we really should head out. We don’t want to be late.” Rose says.

Adam takes Danny from you and Danny throws a fit as he watches everyone file out the door. You knew this would happen so you had a little Halloween surprise for the kids so that they would be distracted from their parents’ absence. 

You pull a child sized stuffed tiger out of the closet next to the front door and set in front of Lily, who immediately cuddles with it as she kisses you to say thanks. Then you pull out a smaller stuffed wolf and hand it to Danny, kissing his cheek and he starts to calm down. You wave bye to him and he waves back before you slip out the door. You didn’t even bother to wait and hear the praise that Adam and Maria were about to give.

There’s no way anyone needs to know you just did any of that. Besides, it’s not like you were trying to make the little shits happy. You just wanted an escape plan. 

Checkmate. 

“What took you so long, Luna?” Rose teases you.

"How the hell were we supposed to escape if they weren't distracted?" You grumble, buckling your seat belt and crossing your arms over your chest as Rose starts the car and drives down the street.

“You spoil those two, Kitten.” Kanaya smiles as she turns around in the passenger seat to look at you.

“So do you!” You accuse her, smirking as you add, “Besides, I’m their Godfather. It’s my job to spoil them.”

“What did you get them, Kit Kat?” John asks, pulling you to cuddle with him and you reluctantly obey.

“A wolf for Danny and a Tiger for Lily. Now she properly cosplay Jasmine since she’s got Raja.” You reply, feeling a little proud of yourself.

“Are you two going to get married yet? You’ve been together almost three years now.” Rose asks bluntly. "Also, have you discussed children? Karkat seems to be a natural."

“What the fuck, Rose?” You question as you stiffen with John’s arm around your shoulder.

“Darling, that is none of our business. If they wanted us to know and they had made that decision, they would’ve told us.” Kanaya gently scolds her wife.

“It’s okay, Kat, it’s a reasonable question I guess.” John says. “We haven’t talked about it, so not yet for either of them."

The rest of the 20 minute car ride is silent. A line was crossed and the discomfort is smothering as if someone were holding a pillow over your face.


	5. Haunted Mansion Anyone? Karkat: Meet The Ghost Of Your Past And Present.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade is really into theatrics for her Haunted Mansion Halloween party. Karkat and John "Bust A Move" and a familiar voice introduces Karkat's Present to his Past.   
> "Nice to meet you, Previous Life. I'm the Current Life you're about to fuck."

“We’re here.” Rose announces, finally breaking the silence as she parks along the circular drive up to their historic mansion.

The thing had been ready to be demolished, but since she was making a killing in health care as a doctor, Jade had bought and restored the place to almost it’s original state.

“Oh my, she and her husband Jake have really, um, decorated the place.” Kanaya comments as you all get out of the car.

“I didn’t know my sister was this into Halloween…” John admits.

“Looks like a real haunted, decrepit psycho institute.” You add as you all walk up to the possessed manor.

Rose knocks on the brass door with the brass knocker, shaped like a ferocious wolf’s head. You are already on the lookout for Bequerel, Jade’s rescued pet wolf. You have no idea how she managed to get legal rights to own a wolf, but she did. She took him in as a cub and raised him to be tame, but the little fuck is really protective of her. 

Jade opens the door and you can hear dance music throbbing in the back ground with eerie flashing lights and smog floating through the background. She’s dressed like her pet wolf with fangs poking out of her mouth, the gray ears and fluffy gray tail. The rest of her costume is face paint and gray pants and leggings.

“Hey, you made it! Come on in! I’m so glad you came!” Jade hugs everybody as you enter.

“So who’s who?” Jade asks enthusiastically.

“I’m Artemis and Kit Kat’s Luna from Sailor Moon.” John says as he grabs your hand.

“I’m Jasmine and Rosie’s Snow White.” Kanaya takes Rose’s hand as well.

“Neat! I’m Kate from Alpha and Omega and somewhere around here Jake is dressed as Humphrey.” Jade says as she looks around for Jake, who sneaks up behind her, almost tackling her to the ground.

“Get a fucking room, Harley!” You tease. 

“Humphrey! Bad Omega! Don’t tackle your Alpha.” She playfully scolds him as he kisses her cheek. “Come on, let’s get to the dance floor.”

“Fuck, you actually think I’m going to dance?” You act shocked as you smirk.

“Duh! It’s a party, Luna! Stop being a wet blanket and loosen up!” She teases you back.

You have actually never danced in front of anyone but Dave. Even he didn’t really see what you could do. You took dance classes when you were younger and going through a goth-punk phase. They were hip hop dance classes and you ended picking up some other moves as well. Interpretive dance was the real bitch to learn.

Shots (Yes, Shots, it’s a fucking dance party, get over it) is winding down and Jade whispers something to Jake before he runs off. The song abruptly changes to “Bust a Move” and you stare Jade down. She and Jake take the center of the dance floor and proceed to do exactly what the song suggests. They bust the shit out of a move. After the first chorus they challenge you, freezing and pointing to you and John.

“Is that a challenge, Harley?” You ask.

“Hell yeah!” She laughs as you and John take the dance floor.

You proceed to do a no-hands back flip onto the dance floor and slip into the grinder. You and John bust some sick moves until the end of the song when you run up to him and he tosses you up into the air pulling out a back-flip before landing in the splits. All of your friends are thoroughly impressed as everyone applauds you while you swiftly snap up into a reverse-split. 

“Holy shit! I haven’t done that in years!” You pant as you catch your breath and grab a cup of blood-tinted punch that, by the smell of it, has definitely been spiked.

“I’ve never seen that before!” John says. He knew what to do because he synchronized his moves to match yours when you weren’t doing a double’s stunt.

“I’ve never done that much before, but I also wasn’t gonna let your sister own us.” You smirk.

“Nice moves, Vantas.” An all too familiar voice behind you says and you freeze, spitting spiked blood punch all over the floor.

God. Fucking. Damn. It.


	6. Do I Look Okay? Because I Feel Like Shit.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a screaming match. Then hot wax tears and make up that wont come off while a heterochromia best friend talks some sense into Karkat. A search party commences for Karkat when he runs off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had fun with this chapter. I hope you enjoy it!

You turn around and see Dave Strider, dressed as Johnny Blaze from Ghost Rider. Arrogant Fuckass with his shitty loaded god complex knows he can pull off just about every god damn thing. You want to abscond but it might make things that much more awkward. You stare him down, your heart beat racing. The stereo seems to channel your emotions and his ironic bullshit as Pierce the Veil’s King For A Day blares through the surround sound.

“Sing off for old time’s sake?” He challenges you.

“The fuck do you think? I’ll own your ass, Prick.” You accept the challenge and both of you go up to the DJ platform and snag the two microphones from their stage.

“Listen up people, we got a sing off in progress. Strider v. Vantas! Let’s do it!” Dave announces.

“ Dare me to jump off of this Jersey bridge! I bet you never had a Friday night like this. Keep it up, Keep it up, let's raise our hands!” You take the lead.

“I take a look up in the sky and I see Red for the cancer, red for the wealthy, Red for the drink that's mixed with suicide.” Dave picks up.

“Everything red!” Practically in each other’s faces, you scream into the microphone.

“Please won't you push me for the last time, Let's scream until there's nothing left!” You take it back.

“So sick of playing, I don't want this anymore. The thought of you is no fucking fun.” Dave cuts in.

“You want a martyr, I'll be one because enough's enough, We're done.” Your turn to cut in.

“You told me think about it, well I did.” Dave jumps back in.  
“Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore. I'm tired of begging for the things that I want, I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor.” You put everything into this line as your noses practically touch, both of you dead serious and looking enraged.

“[Yeah!]”

“The thing I think I love Will surely bring me pain Intoxication, paranoia, and a lot of fame!” You take the next lines as well.

“Three cheers for throwing up. Pubescent drama queen, You make me sick I make it worse by drinking late.” Dave screams back at you.

“(Scream) Until there's nothing left! So sick of playing, I don't want to anymore” You take over

“The thought of you is no fucking fun. You want a martyr I'll be one. Because enough's enough, we're done.” Dave takes the next lines.

“You told me, think about it well I did Now I don't wanna feel a thing anymore.” You respond.

“I'm tired of begging for the things that I want I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor.” Dave takes it

“Imagine living like a king someday. A single night without a ghost in the walls. And if the bass shakes the earth underground. We'll start a new revolution NOW!” The two of you take it in unison.

(Alright here we go)

“Hail Marry, forgive me.” Dave sings,

“Blood for blood, hearts beating.” You sing back.

“Come at me, Now this is war! (Fuck with this new beat) Oh!” You both scream.

“Now terror begins inside a bloodless vein.” Dave picks up.

“I was just a product of the street youth rage Born in this world without a voice or say!” Your turn to pick it up.

“Caught in the spokes with an abandoned brain I know you well, but this ain't a game Blow the smoke in diamond shape.” Dave picks up again.

“Dying is a gift so, Close your eyes and rest in peace.” You growl.

“You told me, think about it well I did. Now, I don't wanna feel a thing anymore. I'm tired of begging for the things that I want I'm over sleeping like a dog on the floor.  
“Imagine living like a king someday.A single night without a ghost in the walls.We are the shadows screaming, "Take us now!"  
We'd rather die than live to rest on the ground!” You scream at each other, the intensity almost too much as your foreheads press against each other’s.

“Shit.” You close it out.

You both pull away, putting your microphones back as everyone breaks into applause and screaming. You both can sing, but that wasn’t singing. That was telling each other off with background music. You knew this is how it would feel to see him again. It’s the reason you moved away. You jump off the stage before he can say anything as My Chemical Romance’s I Don’t Love You starts up. You start off through the throng towards the front hall where there’s a bathroom you can hide in. Before you make through the hall, Dave grabs your arm.

“The fuck do you want Strider?” You spit at him.

“What’s the matter, Vantas? Are you still fucked up after three years?” He demands.

You give him the death glare as you snap, “Fuck off and fuck yourself, Strider. I’ll see you in Hell.”

You turn to leave once more but he won’t let you. He turns you around and forces himself on you, kissing you roughly and passionately.

“I do love you, you sad little fuck.” He whispers in your ear.

You feel your eyes and face grow hot as tears build up and creep like hot wax down your face. Your rage and pain stream through your veins as you shove him off of you. He tries, more aggressively, to hold onto you and hug you. You knee him in the crotch and smash your right fist against his face. You storm off through a random door in the hall. You end up in a guest bedroom with a bathroom attached. You walk into the bathroom, leaning on the counter, and stare at your reflection.

“How pathetic.” You spit at yourself. “You couldn’t even hold yourself together, asshole.”

You hear a knock on the door as the tears flood from your eyes like waterfalls, but your make up sealant is holding up well. The mystery guest enters despite your lack of response. You see in the mirror that it’s Sollux.


	7. Situations Are Critical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux is Karkat savvy, Kanaya is motherly, and John doesn't read labels. What the fuck does he use those glasses for then????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a long chapter but it's getting good!

“Hey, KK, how are you holding up?” He asks, leaning on the door frame, dressed as the Batter from OFF.

“How the fuck do you think? You can still see right?” You’re tone is bitter and sarcastic as you respond.

“Yeah I can 2till 2ee, but I wa2 trying not to be a jacka22, dip2hit.” He shakes his head. “What did you want me to open with? Holy 2hitball2, Vanta2, you look like 2omething crawled out of a grave and fucked you in the face again2t your will!”

“No. huuuh… This sucks and blows.” You sniff, dabbing at the tears with toilet paper so you wouldn’t accidentally stain Jade’s towels with face paint.

“Actually I’d 2ay the problem i2 that fact that there’2 none of that going on.” Sollux purposely states the obvious.

“You’re probably right.” You laugh, still sniffling.

“Hey look, he 2till ha2 a 2ense of humor!” Sollux teases.

“What a surprise he’s still stating the obvious!” You smirk, throwing a balled up towel at him.

It lands splaying out over his hat and covering his face. You wonder why he didn’t come as slender man, it suits him much better. Both lurk at night, freakishly tall and pale, and seem to enjoy children. Okay that last one was over stepping the boundary. Sollux has his own kid, which the only reason you would say that he enjoys children. You actually weren’t calling him as much of a creeper, but the Batter does suit him pretty well.

“Bitch, a2 soon a2 I fini2h with thi2 towel, I will purify your 2inful a22 and it’ll look like a fucking me22 from a wood chipper!” He mock threatens as he hits the towel back at you with his baseball bat.

It barely falls short and lands in unrolling heap of fabric on your shoulder. You remove it and toss it onto the vanity counter as you laugh. There’s another knock on the door and the second mystery person for the night also doesn’t wait for a response. You both step out of the bathroom to find Kanaya in her Jasmine costume.

“Karkat, kitten, are you alright? I saw what happened earlier.” She says.

“I guess. I’m just so fucked up over what had happened and seeing him and the song we faced off with… It’s just a shit load of fuck me.” You sigh dropping on the bed. “Plus I look like a fucking gay ass douche bag dressed like a fucking female cat while he’s all up in his ironic bull shit dressed as fucking Nicholas Cage as a bad ass villain-hero.”

You groan as the tears well up in your eyes against your will. Stupid little fuckers just won’t stay where they’re supposed to be. Not on your face. 

“Come here, kitten.” Kanaya sits on the bed and pulls you onto her lap. “You’re alright. Tell me what happened.”

“After we got off stage, I tried to get the fuck out of there to chill out and the asshole stopped me. He asked what my problem was and I told him to fuck off and fuck himself…” You explain, pausing as you really start crying with frustration and mixed emotions. “He-e-hee f-f-fu-fucking k-ki-kissed m-me!”

“What?” Sollux sounds pissed as you watch through your fingers with hands over your face as his grip tightens on his baseball bat, looking like he’s about to “purify” him.

Kanaya pulls you closer to her and strokes you hair, rocking slightly as she kisses the top of your head. You sit there in her arms sobbing uncontrollably as you try to figure out what’s happening inside your head. You still love him and he already admitted he still loves you. You have feelings for John now though. 

You’ve totally changed course in your life, finally finishing your degrees in counseling and therapy and you might be ready to settle down… You just can’t face what Dave is trying to bring up because there’s so much that you can’t tell him. John doesn’t ask questions like Dave does and you like that. John never tries to figure out why you tire so easily or get headaches so easily or look abnormally pale. He doesn’t try to figure out why sometimes you can’t sit still or need to sit alone and literally in a corner, why he can’t touch you in those situations.

You don’t have to worry with John because he understands there are things that you don’t want to talk about. You would gladly talk about them if you didn’t know how to handle them , but you know and you don’t want to talk about something that’s already taken care of. 

“Kitten! What’s wrong with your hand?” Kanaya sounds startled as she sees bruising and a small amount of blood on your hand.

Having calmed down from your crying fit, you explain, “I may or may not have kneed him in the dick and punched him in the face before I came in here.”

“Yes! That’s my moirail!” Sollux practically busts a gut as he commends you, using the terms you came up with as kids.

You smile a little at his approval and he high fives you.

“Karkat!” Jade comes storming in, not quite angry and not quite worried. “What the hell happened? Daves actually crying, his shades are cracked, he can’t stand up straight and you disappeared!”

“Jade, please sit down and calm down.” Kanaya instructs, holding you protectively to her chest as if you were her son who had just gotten bullied instead her best friend going through relationship drama.

“Fine, but explanations are due! This is supposed to be a fun party for everyone.” She pouts a little bit, looking like she’s at a loss.

“KK wa2 feeling overwhelmed after hi2 2ing off with douche bag Dave and tried to run off and chill out in the bathroom. That dip2hit grabbed KK and a2ked him what hi2 problem wa2 and KK told him to fuck off. He wouldn’t li2ten and apparently ki22ed KK again2t hi2 will even though he’2 with John.” Sollux explains for the both of you. “I 2wear I’m gonna purify that 2on of a bitch!”

“Calm your tits, Captor.” You say, straightening up in Kanaya’s arms and sighing. “That’s not the only thing that happened. Dave… may or may not have said he still loves me…”

“What?” They all collectively shriek at you.

“He said he still loves me and that’s why I kicked him in the no fly zone and punched him in the face. He also tried to grope me…” You admit getting up and walking into the bathroom to check your appearance.

Everything looks like it did before your crying fit, except for the bloodshot eyes. You frown at yourself in the mirror and Jade comes in, looking perplexed and beyond hope.

“Well, this shit can wait till later. John is looking for you and he has some sort of surprise for you.” She informs you with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Alright. We probably should get back to the party, but dammit, Jade, why didn’t you tell me he was coming?” You demand.

“I didn’t tell him you were coming either and I thought that if you didn’t know the other was coming you might never see each other, but then you busted those sick moves on the dance floor and screwed my plan over because that’s when he saw you.” Jade sighs, shaking her head.

“Next time, warn both parties. It’ll work better that way.” You advise her, shaking your head as you walk back out to the party with the three of them in tow.

“Karkat! There you are!” John says over a microphone as everyone parts for you to reach the DJ’s platform.

You freeze. The atmosphere has changed in the great hall, decorated to look like the typical rendering of hell. The music changes over to a Kiss Me cover that you had recorded for Dave. It had been sitting at the bottom of a pile of CDs in your bedroom for the three years you’ve been with John. You can’t decide whether it’s sweet or totally out of line that he took that CD and is now broadcasting it through the surround sound speakers for everyone to hear.

It’s completely out of line. Shit has hit the whirling device. Dave is in front of the stage at the concessions table. Recognition is obvious on his face. 

You had played this track for him on your one year anniversary. 

You had adapted the lyrics to use his name in place of the original.

“Kiss me out of a hazy slumber out of a hazy slumber.  
Nightly, I could drink in your vapored grin.  
Swing, swing I watch your silhouette from across the room I wonder if you’ve noticed yet.  
Ooh, Dave, beneath the milky twilight, heart beats intertwine just like our trembling hands.  
Growing up is hard and no one understands twin moons sparkling. Just kiss me…” Your voice comes out of the speakers and your heart beat picks up.  
Everyone is staring at you.


	8. What's Even Happening?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat inadvertently ends up revealing the secrets he's hid his entire life. We meet Karkat's dad and learn how different Karkat really is from how he acts.

“Karkat Vantas, Will you marry me?” John asks, clearly not listening to your recorded voice tell Dave fucking Strider to kiss you.

“I-i- I…uh… I…” You stutter, watching everyone watch you and Dave staring at you and leaning against the stage.

“Karkat?” John asks, approaching you with a big goofy smile. “I know that you still have feelings for him, but I can tell that you have them for me too. You never would’ve worn this ridiculous costume if you didn’t love me. Besides, you changed my life.”

“J-j-john, I-I …” Your heart beat is pulsing like fire beneath your skin and you’re flushing crimson beneath all the black face paint. “I- I…”

Your muscles start to freeze as you panic. You back against the wall. Your brain shuts down as your panic takes over. Everyone seems like a threat and you feel far from safe. Who are they? Where are you? What’s happening?

“Wh-who a-are you?” You stutter, starting to hyperventilate, taking shallow breaths. “Wh-wha-what’s hap-happening?” 

“Karkat? Are you okay? I mean, you know me… I don’t understand why you’re acting like… Like you’re a stranger trapped in a crowd of strangers.” John says, looking confused.

“I- I don’t… I don’t know you!” You watch everyone, shaking your head feverishly, your entire body perspiring, as you slip along the wall and run out the front door without looking back. 

You stop at the end of the long drive way. You look around, all of your surroundings are strange. In one direction there’s the very distant lights of grand and historic farm houses and in the other is the lights of town. You start running toward town. As you get past the fields and playgrounds immediately next to Jade’s manor, you pass by residential homes. You end up running all the way to central park in down town. 

You sit in the gazebo with your knees to your forehead and arms wrapped around your legs. It’s silent here, only the wind rustles the branches of the oak and pine trees. You cry as you your confusion joins your panic. You don’t know where to go or who you can trust because they’re all strangers to you.

“I wanna go home!” You sob, clutching your legs close to your body. ‘I just wanna go home…”

Only problem is that you have no idea where home is.

“Excuse me, sir, are you alright?” A man’s voice asks.

You jump and reply, “No! Who are you? Stay away from me!”

“Woah, calm-” The stranger pauses and takes a closer look at you as the moonlight gets brighter with the shifting of the clouds. “Karkat? Is that you?”

“Who are you?” You ask again, your body shaking.

“Karkat, my little cuddle crab, it’s your dad…” He crouches down in front of you and you start to recognize him as the scent of his cologne drifts toward you in the breeze. 

“D-da-dad?” You ask, calming down a little bit.

“That’s it, kit, come here.” He stretches his arms out to you as he gently encourages your memory to kick in.

“Dad!” You practically tackle him as you recognize him.

“Ssshhh, Kit. You’re alright. Let’s take you home.” He embraces you.

He helps you up and you hold his hand like you used to when you were little. 

“Where’s home, dad?” You ask as he walks you across town to Pearl Street.

“With John, kit. Poor baby, you had an attack, didn’t you?” He responds.

You think hard about this and try to recall what happened. You can’t remember much, which usually means that you did in fact have an attack. 

“I think so… I don’t remember…” You answer, cuddling close to him, grabbing his arm with your free hand.

“It’s okay now, little one. We’ll be home soon, alright? You’re lucky I went for a walk tonight aren’t you?” 

“Yeah. Thanks, dad. I love you.”

“I love you too, kitten.”

“Karkat!” A voice calls.

“Karkat?” Another voice.

“Karkat!” Yet another voice. 

“Vantas?” A fourth voice. 

They all seem to be coming from the same direction. You look around as you both pause. There’s a sparkling black minivan coming towards you with heads poking out of the windows. The van comes to a halt and parks in the street next to you. People start getting out of the van and you cling to your dad as you watch them. He puts his arms around you and rubs your back. You've always felt more comfortable with him than anyone else. Quite honsetly, you still have the smae realtionship with him as you did when you were in middle school. He's always been a disarming personality in that he could make anyone feel comfortable with spilling their darkest secrets and being your father, he tends to be able to have that bond with you.

“Mr. Vantas, you found him!” Kanaya exclaims, relief pouring out of her as she puts a hand to her heart.

“Calm down, kids. You’re going to make him have another attack.” Your dad warns him. “You know you kids can call me Seth.”

“Seth, what do you mean by another attack?” John asks, staying a safe distance from you.

“You didn’t tell any of them, did you, kitten?” He asks you.

“No, daddy.” You murmur.

“Karkat has a panic disorder. When he gets stressed, he starts to lose himself, panics, and he can’t recognize anyone or anything in that state. It doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t tell you though. He was always afraid to tell people because he thought they would treat him differently for something that couldn’t really be managed.” 

“He never told any of us about that. Not even me.” Kanaya says.

“I always thought he would end up with you Kanaya, since you are the best at preventing these things, but he fell for you, Strider.” Your dad sounds disapproving as he mentions Dave.

“I’m sorry, daddy.” You apologize, burying your face in his chest.

“Ssshh, kit, you’re alright. I’m not angry with any of you, especially you.” He soothes you, rubbing your back and kissing the top of your head. “Let’s all get home now. Are you going to ride with your friends or do you want me to walk you the rest of the way?”

“You…” You mumble, not looking at your friends as you say this. 

You still have reservations about being with this particular group, despite your disability to recall the specific event that caused them. You just want everything to be the way it was before you fell in love with Dave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat has a panic disorder. If you are confused, simply google panic attacks or panic disorder. I've done research on this issue for multiple reasons and I felt that it fit the situation and would explain some of Karkat's problems with socializing and his failure to keep a healthy relationship.


	9. Might As Well Be A Kid Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat admits his reasons for keeping his problems a secret. Karkat acts like a kid after Seth treats him like one, a situation Karkat doesn't always mind because of the lack of pressure it causes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Seth" is just a random name that I find appealing. I use it to give The Sufferer/The Signless a realistic human name. I will tell about how his titles (Sufferer/Signless) still apply in a different chapter.
> 
> This Chapter is kinda crappy, but I tried to include a sentimental father-son thinga-ma-bob. It's also short so that I can move you along to the next chapter where there's surprises galore.

“Alright, everyone back in the van. Let them be, we’ll see them at home anyway.” Rose rounds everyone up and they all take off to go the last two blocks home.

“Karkat, you can’t hide your ailments from your friends. You scare them more when they don’t even know what’s happening to you.” Seth gently scolds you as the two of you walk the remaining two blocks home.

“I’m sorry, daddy. I just don’t want to be treated special because I have problems…” You sniffle, managing to hold your tears back as he walks you up to the house. 

You hate to disappoint your father. Everything you do, you want to do perfectly so that he will be proud. You have to do everything perfect to compensate for your defects. It’s hard to accomplish, but you just want to prove that you’re just as good as anybody else.

Not that anyone understands why you have to be perfect. It’s that lack of understanding that makes you such an angry person. You’re tired of having secrets and having to give half-assed excuses to keep those secrets while explaining why everything has to be perfect. The desire for perfection also turned out to be a symptom of your panic disorder. The two feed into each other and perpetuate the cycle.

“Karkat, look at your daddy.” He forces you to look up at him, your eyes watery with unshed tears. “You don’t have to be treated any different or act any different. If they try to treat you different, then you can simply tell them to stop. You don’t have to be perfect and flawless. Just look at Kanaya, she’s as sweet and agreeable as can be, but she’s got a short temper once you get her there. She’s not perfect and you don’t have to be either.”

“I know… But I want to make you proud and I want them to know that I’m just like them! I’m not handicapped! I’m not!” You argue like a little kid. Seth always makes you feel like a little kid again, but it’s only when you’re upset that you actually mind.

“Kitten, you do make me proud and I would be even more proud if you could accept yourself. You’re still fighting who you are by hiding these things. They know that you’re just like them. You prove it all the time when you’re showing who you really are. Being genuine and true to yourself makes me proud and proves that you’re just like them.” 

His eyes are gentle and his words are as well with just a hint of authority reminding you that he’s teaching you in this moment. You cry as he embraces you and he soothes you by kissing your tears away.

“Come on, Kitten, let’s get you inside and off to bed.” He takes on being your father as if you were a tween again.

You enter the house and no one bothers you as they sit in the living room. You walk into the bathroom and Seth helps you scrub off all the face paint. You go upstairs and dress for bed. Seth comes up a couple minutes later and sits down on the bed. You crawl onto his lap and curl up, wrapping his arms around you.

“There’s my little cuddle crab…” He says to you as he rocks back and forth a bit.

“Dad, why do I have to have these defects? It’s not fair…” You say, resting your head on his shoulder.

“No, it’s not fair, Kitten, but sometimes things happen that we can’t control.” He attempte to comfort you with these words. “Are you ready for bed?”

“Yeah.” You yawn.

He releases his arms from around you and you crawl under the covers. He tucks you in.

“Goodnight, Kitten, sleep tight. Everything will be alright if you sleep through the night.” He says the little rhyme he made for you when you were younger before rubbing his nose to the tip of yours.

“Goodnight, dad.” You yawn again.

You realize that you’re 28 and being tucked in by your dad, but you couldn’t care less. Even 28 year olds need their parents sometimes and with your particular set of problems, you need parental interference more than every now and then. Sometimes you like your defects because they allow you an excuse to be that little kid who cuddles with his dad again.

He shuts the lights off and then closes the door with a soft click. You drift off and barely notice a few minutes later when someone crawls into bed with you. After awhile, you are fully asleep and engaging your REM cycle. Your dreams try to give you a sense of comfort as they delude you into believing that you’re sorting things out in them. You know they are just random stories or memories your brain is playing, but you still find comfort in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it seems odd given Karkat's age for him and his father to interact the way they do in this chapter, but the Vantas family is very cuddly already and having such sensitivites as Karkat does, he tends to need to feel that cuddly-comforting side even more at times.  
> Therefor Seth tends to "baby" Karkat after traumatic or stressful times. More about why Seth himself does it and does it to the extent he does, will be described later.


	10. Karkat: Be Genuine; John: Act Like You Don't Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's in Karkat's bed this morning? Being genuine is hard when the first time you do it no one cares. John is passive. Then situations heat up and not in a fight or flight way...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another quick chapter, but it's worth a read. Also check out the end notes for a challenge.

With sunlight slipping through the thin black curtains and spilling onto your face from the window above the bed, you awaken in the late morning. You look at the red numbering on the clock to see that it is almost 10 am. No one woke you this morning and it’s Friday. You were supposed to take a shift at Walmart in customer service, but you realize that it might be good that you stay home today. Your stomach is starting to act up because you forgot to take your iron pill before the party last night. 

You roll over, stretching and yawning and then freeze mid-gesture. You look to your right to find that it isn’t John who slipped into bed last night. You slowly move out of the bed, trying not to wake your cuddle buddy from last night. You creep out of the room and run down the steep stairs, nearly falling in your hurry. You hear the TV from the living room and run out to find John awake and eating a bowl of cereal.

“Hey, Karkat. Did you sleep well?” He asks, his face perfectly neutral.

The indifference John greets you with makes your heart sink. Your thoughts are practically written on your face in the form of confusion and sadness. You awkwardly stand there, watching him while he watches a Switchfoot music video for “Only Hope” and continues to eat breakfast. After he finishes eating, you walk over and kneel in front of him, putting your hands on his knees as you stare up at him. Your dad told you to be genuine and you intend to follow his advice.

“John, I’m scared.” You confess, your voice cracking from a combination of emotions and being silent for hours on end last night.

“You shouldn’t be. You’re fine.” He says, still neutral and somewhat passive.

“John, why is he in our bed? Why didn’t you come and cuddle with me?” You ask question him,

“Dave and I thought it would be better if he cuddled with you last night. You were distraught and you had a special attachment to him, so we all thought it might be best.” He answers simply and nonchalantly as if he were describing why Earth has a gravitational pull and not the reason why your ex-boyfriend was spooning you last night.

“Even daddy?” You ask, disbelief making an appearance on your face.

You have never called Seth daddy to anyone but your brother Kankri before, but if you’re going to be genuine you might as well go all out. 

“Well, no. He disagreed and suggested that I should or Kanaya should if I didn’t.” John admits with a shrug, but you can see a hint of something else in his eyes.

“John, why won’t you be genuine with me now? I’m trying to be genuine but now you suddenly…” You trail off realizing what you really were about to say and it didn’t really have much to do with being genuine in the sense you were aiming for. “You don’t… want… me.”

You look down at your hands, clasped in prayer position on his knees and drop them to your lap as you look up at him again.

“You don’t want me.” You state bluntly, looking up at him with anguish written all over your tired face.

“Karkat, no-” John starts to argue, but you cut him off.

“No! You don’t and I don’t blame you.” You shake your head and get up off the floor, pacing in front of him. “I’m defective. I push all of you away and I never tell you anything! I just wallow in the self-pity and hatred. I am the epitome of disaster and dysfunction. It’s no wonder kanaya has such an awful temper when I’m constantly bothering her with my psycho bull shit about being fucked up! I might as well be a disease. Oh wait, I am a fucking disease! It’s called Cancer! Iron deficiency anemia! Panic Disorder! Let’s not forget social anxiety! 

You’re shaking in your rage and pain by this point. You can’t help pacing quicker and making meaningless gestures with your hands while you avoid meeting John’s eyes.

“Fuck me! Then again why would you want to fuck the lowest life form on earth? My body, my mind, is so fucking ugly that it would kill the God forsaken Earth if the shitty thing had eyes in the first place. I can’t go to hell because I am hell! I am the vessel that hell is delivered through to those that God must think need to be fucked with. Why the hell else would I still be around? I am so ignorant and self centered that I should’ve been murdered by my own father! It’s not hard to see why Kankri tried to kill me by sticking me in the dryer as a baby! 

By this point, you’re in tears. You feel like the world really is out to get you and now it’s saying fuck you by taking away the one relationship you have a chance to get right the first time.

“Even he knew that I would be a worthless sack of shit. The world met me on my birth and said fucking screw you, you little son of a bitch because you are the cancer that plagues this planet and you better fucking die soon! Here take some god damn diseases to quicken the process!”

“Karkat. Stop.” John is dead serious in his tone as he holds you in one place, forcing you to look at him with his right hand holding your chin up.

“Not to mention I am the ugliest fucking shit when I cry.” Your face is scrunched in a disgusted frown and your eyebrows are scrunched in hopeless sadness as you sob with tears streaming down your face and snot pouring from your nose like a faucet as you wipe it all away with the sleeve of the sweatshirt you slept in last night.

“What did I say? Stop. Right now.” John says, lifting his eyebrows in expectation.

You remain silent as he forces you to meet his stare. He leans in closer until he’s kissing you gently, sweetly. He teases your tongue with his, his breath cool compared to yours, hot with tears and pent up carbon dioxide. Your hands are on his waist and his travel to your face. You pull each other closer, kissing lovingly and slowly until there is no oxygen getting to either of you and the lip locking has resulted in an exchange of carbon and saliva. Your head feeling infinitely lighter, he releases your lips from his and slips his arms down to wrap around your waist and pull it closer.

“He may love you and you may love him, but I will always love you more than two of you can reciprocate for each other.” John whispers as he kisses along the left side of your face and down to your neck. “I love you…”

There it is. That phrase that complicates everything in your life.

Future, meet Present and know that you are fucked as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't seen my comment, then this is your chance to learn about a possible prize pack for the homestuck fans. I have noted several editing mistakes that I have left in this work and if you can find all, or at least almost all, of them, then you could have your pick at some awesome prizes. I'm making the deadline June 17, 2013. Find all the errors I planted as I went in chapters 1-10 and see what you win.


	11. Karkat's Break Down And Blood Phobia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat has a blood phobia and a break down. Kanaya is a take charge woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I had to mess with Karkat by making him think Dave was coming and one thing led to another so he ended up with a blood phobia which is true to his character as a troll considering his blood always made him self conscious.

You hear footsteps coming rapidly through the kitchen and, for the first time in your life, you pray to God. You pray that it isn’t who you think it is. You are reassured that it isn’t who you thought when you hear a thump and then a child crying. You had forgotten that Kanaya and Rose had planned to stay the night with you guys, but you couldn’t care less about the plans because you’re happy to have them here. 

You quickly break away from John and dash into the kitchen to find Danny on his hands and knees on the floor, sobbing now. You notice that he’s wearing socks with his pajamas and you come to the conclusion that he slid and hit his head on the cabinets next to him.

“Danny, what happened?” You ask as you pick him up and hug him to your chest.

“I swid! It huwts!” He sobs, clinging to you.

“Ssshh, Danny. You’ll be okay, I’ve got you.” You comfort him, gently bouncing him in your arms as you kiss the spot where he hit his head.

You panic as you pull your lips away to find that his forehead above his right eye is split open in a nasty gash.

“Karkat, what’s wrong?” John asks as he finally comes into the kitchen.

“Blood!” You gasp.

You stare at him with panic in your eyes as you hug Danny closer to you. You have always hated blood. In your mind, you might as well have been nude if you were bleeding. It was just that kind of deeply personal thing that made up a large part of who you are. Everyone has blood, everyone’s blood is red, but sometimes it feels as if it’s indecent to expose such an intimate and vital part of yourself.

“What happened?”

“Kanaya or Rose or hospital! Do something, John!” You practically beg.

“Right, Kanaya!” He responds, probably hoping to keep you from having a panic attack by having you know that something is being done.

He runs through the kitchen and the bathroom, which connects the foot of the staircase to the kitchen, shouting Kanaya’s name. You set Danny on the edge of the sink and start trying to dab up blood with a gray hand towel. The blood continues to flow from the gash and you realize that you’ll have to apply pressure to it to try to stop the bleeding. 

You were afraid that you would have to because you know what it will be like for Danny if you put pressure on it. You take a deep breath, putting one hand behind his head and using the other to apply pressure with the towel. Danny sobs even more and much louder as you hold a consistent pressure. You hear footsteps rushing down the stairs and are almost in tears yourself as Kanaya, and John come into the kitchen.

“What happened, Karkat?” Kanaya asks as she stops next to you.

“He slipped and hit his head when he came running through the kitchen! I was in the living room with John when we heard him.” You are crying now as you feel immensely guilty for not having been there to catch him. “I should have come in and stopped him from running!”

“Karkat, step away. Let me see what happened.” Kanaya says, stepping forward and taking the towel from your hand to inspect the injury. "Rose is still with Lily upstairs. I told her to stay up there and I think Dave slept through all of this. He was fairly intoxicated last night."

“Come here, Karkat.” John stretches his arms out to you and you wrap yours around him.

“It’s all my fault! I should have stopped him! I know that he gets up earlier than everyone else!” You cry as he rubs your back.

“Yes, but there’s no way you could’ve have known he would come running down stairs.” John insists, kissing your cheek.

“Unfortunately, I think he needs stitches.” Kanaya says, regret clear on her face and in her voice as she takes her sobbing child into her arms.

“I’m so sorry, Kanaya! It’s all my fault!” You apologize, gasping for breath and sniffling.

“Karkat, it is not your fault. We do need to take him to the hospital.” She says. “We’ll take the van. John, you do know where the hospital is from here, correct?”

“Yes, I do. I had to take Karkat for a physical last month before I went to work.” John replies.

“Good, you’ll sit up front with me and Karkat can keep an eye on Danny.” 

Danny reaches out to you and you take him in your arms before Kanaya goes to start the car. He clings to you and you cuddle with John as you walk out to the car. Normally, you would all obey the law and have him buckled into his car seat, but with your sensitive condition and the danger of not being able to stop the blood by applying pressure, you all decide that it’s best if Danny remains in your arms.


	12. Sass, Admissions, and Prayers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny goes to the ER and Karkat realizes the harsh reality of what he must do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To find out what happens next there will be a second fic and this one will be part of a series. In the next, chapters will often be shorter and Karkat will suck it up and do what he must/

Kanaya drives to the hospital, only going a little over the speed limit. Danny is silent, but you know he’s awake because he keeps trying to pull your thumb into his mouth. After stopping him a few times, you give in. 

“How are you holding up, Kit Kat?” John continuously checks up on you since he can’t be in the back with you. “Turn right, Kanaya.”

“Please stop asking, Jojo. It makes me really uncomfortable.” You admit, your cheeks flushing crimson.

“I’m sorry, Kitty, I just wanna make sure you’re okay since you were really upset a while ago.” John apologizes, reaching back and rubbing your knee. “Be ready to jump out soon, okay? We’re almost there.”

After a couple more minutes, you pass over the railroad tracks in front of the hospital. Kanaya drops you off with John and Danny at the doors to the emergency room and then meets up with you after you check in at the nurses’ station. You all sit down near the glass bird cage, filled with pudgy little gold finches and other pudgy little birds that you can’t identify. 

You shift Danny in your arms, cradling him in your right arm so that he can watch the birds in the case to your left. You shift him so that he’s reclining in your arms instead of laying down as you realize that he might start bleeding worse since it would make the blood flow easier.

“Maryam, Daniel?” A nurse inquires not far from you a few minutes later. She’s pale with freckles and red hair, a celtic descendent.

“Over here, miss.” Kanaya waves her hand, further attracting the nurse’s attention.

“We have a doctor ready to see you.” She informs you. “Are the other two family? I’m only supposed to bring close relatives back with the family member.”

“One is my son’s godfather and the other is his spouse.” Kanaya answers agreeably, but you can tell that she’s irritated by the tell-tale clasped hands with the tapping index finger.

“Alright, there’s not many of you so it should be fine. Follow me please.” The redheaded nurse replies.

“Bitch.” Kanaya whispers in your ear as she passes you while the nurse leads you all to an exam room in the E.R.

You can’t help laughing and then relay it to John, who also finds some amusement in Kanaya’s response. It’s childish, but you have to lighten up somehow and playing telephone about what to call the nurse is perfect.

“My name is Elaine if you need anything-”

“How about a doctor? That’s what we’re here for.” Kanaya grumbles in your ear, pretending not to say anything as she rests her chin on your shoulder, watching   
Danny suck on your thumb.

“And the doctor will be with you shortly.” She smiles before exiting and you bust a gut over Kanaya’s sassy attitude.

After a few minutes of making sassy comments about the celtic nurse, a man in his thirties comes in. You all straighten up a bit and wait for him to say something as he looks at the file started for Danny.

“Hello, Maryam and Vantas families.” He greets you with a respectful voice. “My name is Dr. Reagan. I’ll be checking out what kind of care we need to give… Daniel, is it?”

“Yes, that’s correct. Unfortunately, I believe he may need stitches considering the sizeable gash in his forehead and the amount of blood he’s losing.” Kanaya replies.

The rest of the time in the ER goes smoothly enough, but being around so many sick people and knowing your own permanent health problems makes you uncomfortable. This feeling is accentuated as you have to listen to Danny cry and call your name, displeased with his mother for being the one to hold him in place for the stitches. After they’re in and covered by gauze, Kanaya hands Danny to you while she fills out paperwork and talks to the doctor about the stitches.

“You’re a little shaky, Kitty.” John says as he pulls you onto his lap in the waiting room chairs. “Are you alright?”

“No. There’s more I have to tell you later…” You admit, not taking your eyes off of Danny, who is once again clinging to you.

Kanaya finishes her paperwork and you all drive home after grabbing breakfast at the small town café on route 6 called the West Side Diner. When you get back, Rose, Dave, and Lily are all waiting in the living room. Kanaya takes Danny and sits down with them while you take John by the hand and go up to your bedroom.

“What’s the matter, Karkat?” He asks in a more serious tone.

‘I don’t wanna talk yet.” You say as you shake your head.

“What do you want to do?”

“I want to cuddle and try to forget what just happened. I want to pretend like Fucking Strider never showed up and Danny didn’t just get a gash on his forehead.”   
You mumble, pulling him onto the bed with you.

“Alright. Do you wanna watch a movie?”

“Snake Eyes.”

You put in the Nicholas Cage film. It’s not a romance and that’s exactly what you want. You watch the movie cuddled up under the sheets in bed with John. It’s not even half way through the movie when you fall asleep, not caring that you’re about to miss your iron dose for the second day in a row. At this point, you would rather suffer the consequences than deal with what you might have to face if you’re not physically ill. 

You suppose that whatever comes next will be the end of something and the avoidance of everything else. You pray for the second time in your life. You pray that things will go smoothly and that you won’t be such a miserable fuckass of a failure.

Now, pray that the higher power hears you and gives a damn.


End file.
